Crabby Mama

Ok, so last week I asked you to start thinking about some goals you could set on the road to making your relationship better (happier). Here is what I came up with for me:

1. Take more of the little things off his mind. I tend to avoid making phone calls to straighten things out (cable, insurance, etc.) and that means Mike has to do it which stresses him out. If I could take it upon myself to take care of these things, Mike could relax more.
2. Take more time for intimacy. Should be self-explanatory. I have been avoiding this more since Adam was born and Mike seems to be the opposite. So this is something I can do to create more of a closeness between us.
3. Be supportive about things he is excited about (his ski trip, happy hours with co-workers) even when they inconvenience me. I was dreading his ski trip because he will be gone for 5 days. But he will appreciate it if I am excited with him, so I have to look at it as a chance for him to recharge his batteries and he will come back to us happier, which in turn makes me happier.
4. Be more money-conscious. Mike is a saver and I am a spender. If I just acted more conscious of my spending, I think that wouold alleviate a LOT of the stress between us.

I hope that by supporting him, taking his mind off little things, being closer, and being careful of my spending we can see more happy moments between us (and we have plenty already).

February’s theme is love and marriage. Rubin notes that, “working on my marriage was an obvious goal for my happiness project, because a good marriage is one of the factors most strongly associated with happiness…the atmosphere of my marriage set the weather for my whole life” (39). Scientific study, anecdotal evidence and my own personal observation certainly confirm that, arguably the most primary relationship in an adult’s life, the marital relationship has a strong impact on happiness.

Today, I’m not setting any goals (or asking you to). Today is about reflecting on where you are, and brainstorming where you want to be.

I was talking to some friends the other day about marriage. We mentioned how not everyone is lucky enough to KNOW deep down that they are with the right person. That is not to say that we have not been through any rough patches. But ultimately because of those times, I feel like we have consciously, over and over, made the decision to be together. EVERYTHING is better with Mike here with me. Sharing the laughter and the difficulties of daily life with him is all that I ever hoped it would be. It becomes more and more insane to think that I almost settled for less. I did not think that there was someone out there just right for me. But that is how I feel.

Now we have our differences. But in all the ways that matter, the ones that make lifetime partners, we fit together exactly right. I am proud of our (almost) 7 years together with no sign of the “itch” in sight. I eagerly anticipate the next 70 years with him by my side every day.

To make it the next 70 years, I am sure there are things I can do to better our relationship. And obviously a better relationship leads to a happier life.

And that will be the Happiness Project for February – what steps can you take to be more positive in your relationship? Rubin has hers, and they’re great…for her. But this is one month where her roadmap is not so helpful. Only you know what you can do to improve your relationship. So start thinking of a couple goals!

If you remember, the author stated her goals were:

Go to sleep earlier
Exercise better
Toss, restore, organize
Tackle a nagging task
Act more energetic

So I decided to see what I could do with them. Sleep did not happen much because again I have a baby who eats at like 10:30-11 at night. My exercise was hit or miss but I am definitely anticipating that to get better starting when Adam turns 3 months old next weekend. He will officially be able to go to the gym daycare. I did clean off my desk but not the cabinets above the desk. I want to do one cabinet a week for the next few weeks and try to make that space as organized as possible. My nagging task of calling someone to look at the dining room table did not happen.

The last goal was the difference maker. I started making a to-do list every morning and tackling it EVERY day. Because I was forcing myself to have more energy (by tackling tasks), I felt more accomplished, which in turn encouraged to accomplish more. I began to actually have the energy to do more, whether it was playing with the kids, making sure Adam was put down for his naps on time, getting everyone out of the house on time, making my meal plans and grocery lists, etc.

So I feel good about the last two weeks. Not to mention I am losing weight now with Weight Watchers. That always boosts your energy.

The month of January is devoted to consciously working on boosting vitality and energy, because as Rubin writes, “research shows being happy energizes you, and at the same time, having more energy makes it easier for you to engage in activities – like socializing and exercise – that boost happiness. Studies also show that when you feel energetic, your self-esteem rises” (18).

For her project, Rubin decided to work on the following 5 steps to boost her energy:

Go to sleep earlier
Exercise better
Toss, restore, organize
Tackle a nagging task
Act more energetic

Well, hell, if I could do these things, I would have it made. The first one is tough because HEY I have a newborn. As soon as I get in bed, he wakes up to eat. So that one may have to wait a few weeks. The exercise I am working on. This week I want to do something three days out of the five. I am going to take our desk for the third one and clear it off. My nagging task is selling our dining room set. That has been a goal of mine for YEARS! I plan to make some phone calls and see if I can find someone to look at it and see if it is worth anything. Last of all, to me acting more energetic has to do with my getting in there and playing with the kids. When I force myself to get down on the floor and participate, I feel better about myself and the kids behave better and have more fun.

So those are the goals for this month moving toward a happier me. What about you? Are these goals something you would like to strive for? If not, come up with your own goals having to do with boosting your energy.

So, the assignment for you this week is to write about some or all of the following: Why are you doing this project? What is your history in trying to be more happy? What does happiness look like for you?

This is a tough question. I truly feel that I am almost always a happy person. I don’t feel like I generally strive to be more happy. But I am doing this project because I think it is an interesting concept and I think it may help me to recognize specific things in my life that make me happy. Or it may point me in new directions that will add happiness to my life. Or it may allow me to enjoy the moment a little bit more.

In my life right now, happiness is having the freedom to make our own choices on how to live our lives as a family. I have the freedom to choose how we spend our days. We have the financial freedom for me to stay home with our kids, to take family vacations and trips without the kids, and do fun things locally. Happiness is also watching our kids become who they are. Happiness is having so very many people who love us and are willing to help us out no matter what. Happiness is truly realizing what we have and how lucky we are.

A blogger I follow has decided to go on a journey to discover her own happiness. And it seems like an intriguing concept. A writer names Gretchen Rubin wrote a book called The Happiness Project that is part personal memoir, part researched synthesis of historical theories on how to be happy. Anyway, the blogger is writing a weekly entry about some aspect of happiness and I am going to follow along as it pertains to me. The first entry is about where you live and why you love it.

1. Seasons – I love seeing the leaves change and watching them grow back in the spring. I like the possibility of snow in the winter.

2. Abundance of things to do – This may have been the case in other places we have lived, but we have really ventured out and about here. There is ALWAYS something to do here. Every weekend there is a fesitval or celebration somewhere. Ad we have been to many of them.

3. Friendly people – Everywhere we go, people are helpful. The southern charm is definitely in effect.

4. Proximity to mountains – We have been able to take mountain vacations! After many years of doing the beach thing, mountains were a welcome change.

5. Opportunities for Mike’s work – Obviously moving here and being here the past 3 1/2 years have been wonderful for Mike and his career. It has been so very good for our family as a whole. I have been lucky enough to be able to stay home with our kids thanks to the many opportunities Mike has had.

6. My CDS crew – I didn’t originally put this one because I was just thinking of living in Charlotte, not specifically where I live, which is dumb. I LOVE living on this cul-de-sac. My neighbors are such great friends. They are ALWAYS there for us and we have such good times. I love having our kids grow up together.

If you want to participate in our own little happiness project, come up with your own top 5 reasons you love where you live. If you can’t come up with 5, you need to move.